He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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