those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
