i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
