Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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