i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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