So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
