And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We left the knife in your bed.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
