We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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