how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
