Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
