We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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