1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
