They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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