can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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