Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
