I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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