yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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