can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
