she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
