So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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