my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
