I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize