I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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