Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
