If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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