what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
