after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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