i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
