GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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