Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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