All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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