Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
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