help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
