I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
