bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
