Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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