just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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