Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
