dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
