so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize