the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
