My underwear smells like fireworks.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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