I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
