I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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