looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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