Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
