I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
