She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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