Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize