Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
