I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You can't just leave with hair like that
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
