oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
