Apparently you make a good broom.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
