Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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