ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
