Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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