The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize