I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
either way he was missing a nipple.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
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