I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
