I want to walk on stilts...naked
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
