He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
