The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
