Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
