look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
