You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
