6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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