he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
3pm strippers are depressing
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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