1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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