i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
This is my gift to your gina
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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