you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
