He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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