Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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