Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
