she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
