My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
