So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I forget how to act sober
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
