Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I love you.
Bad choice
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
