the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
