Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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