Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
