That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
