You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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