I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
