You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
