Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize