you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
